


Petals

by Morethancupcake



Series: Honey and Butter [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic!cas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Castiel, Love Confessions, M/M, at some point Castiel refers to himself using the r word, jealous!Dean, mechanic!Dean, mention of past bullying, photographer!cas, pining!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-03-10 09:19:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3285035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He tells him about the bet, about how Ash had pointed Castiel out and had said "Fifty bucks none of you can't have him." Dean doesn't tell him the insults, but Castiel can guess them, all of them. They all probably laughed at how awkward he was, how out of place. How wrong."</p><p>Dean tells him about the bet. In the morning, Castiel is gone.</p><p>(2017 edit : artwork by Linnea in chapter 2)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Dean first tells him about the bet, he doesn’t like it.

Dean smiles, tired, hands shaking a little. It’s a hard night, he had been facing the liquor store for a few hours, fighting with himself, and he won, and now he’s home, telling stories about his dad, about his childhood. And about them.

He tells him about the bet, about how Ash had pointed Castiel out and had said “Fifty bucks none of you can’t have him.”

Dean doesn’t tell him the insults, but Castiel can guess them, all of them. They all probably laughed at how awkward he was, how out of place. How wrong.

He doesn’t like it. They made him into an object. He doesn’t like it.

He takes care of Dean, because that’s the right thing to do, because Dean is too far gone to notice something is wrong. Dean lets himself be wrapped in blankets, he goes to sleep with a little smile on his lips, and he tells Castiel he’s so lucky he won.

In the morning, his money if left at the center of the kitchen table, and Castiel is gone.

It wasn’t something planned. Castiel had been up for hours now, probably a day, maybe more. He doesn’t want to sleep, his mind is running. He used to believe Dean came to him because he wanted to, he used to believe he was like the flower petals, send to him by the wind, or the sun, or something else, etheral, who was sometimes moving the bees from their itinerary. Not just a prank. Not just a game between him and his friends.

It’s easy to pack his things, because he doesn’t have much, and it never feels right to disturb the chaos in Dean’s life.

He takes his bag, he leaves his key, just like before, just like when they fought so hard Castiel couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

He can’t breathe, he can’t think.

He falls asleep on the couch at the gallery after a whole day installing his new arrangement, and Balthazar has to carry him to his office. He brings him tea, and warm bread with butter and honey, and Castiel’s chest feels both lighter and tighter, because he can’t remember the last time they had breakfast together, and he can’t remember the last time he forgot to eat for days.

He doesn’t say “It’s Dean” he doesn’t say “I want to cry, I want to scream at him, Nothing is right anymore.”  
He doesn’t need to, Balthazar hates Dean out of principle, but he loves Castiel.

So he just says “He changed something.” and Balthazar offers him his bed. He sleeps under the heavy covers that smells of lavender, and Balthazar reads next to him, before falling asleep with his glasses on, wrapped in a wool blanket, sleeping on top of the covers.

Dean changed the story, Dean changed the meaning of it all. Dean didn’t chose Castiel. Ash did.

He isn’t mad.  
He isn’t upset.  
He is scared.  
He is unsettled.

Do you think you’re hurt, asks Chuck, his eyes gleaming in the light coming from the little window.

Yes, maybe what he feels is hurt.

And when he says it, he feels tears in his eyes. It hurts. It hurts, because he wanted to believe Dean was different.

Because he wanted to believe he was entitled to beautiful stories, like the ones he could see on TV sometimes. He wanted to believe Dean had picked him because he was different. But not like that. He didn’t want to believe Dean was the kind who could mock him with his friends.

He forgets his phone, and spends more time in the forest. He sleeps under dead trees, curled up against moss and grass. He listens to the rain on the leaves, and doesn’t feel his toes anymore. When he comes back, Balthazar throws him under the shower and grumbles about artists and assholes who could text, at least.

Castiel remembers his phone, and the bees.

They don’t really need him, but he apologizes, and he cleans the dead leaves and the dirt on the little path. His phone is full of texts, and calls. Full of Dean. Dean who is sorry, Dean who cries and apologizes with a small voice. Dean who broke his heart.

Castiel doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t know how to build a story back on something ugly and so mean. He wishes he could go back, and not hear the story. He wishes he could go back, and erase Dean from his life. He wishes he could go back, and ask for another life, for a life where he could’ve been normal. People don’t laugh at normal people. They don’t make bets.

He wonders if maybe Dean called him a retard.  
He sobs in front of the bees. For the first time, they can’t make him feel better.

He avoids Sam, too, and for that he’s sorry. He tells him he needs to work, he has a new commission, a big client, with a lot of money. He accepts, mainly because he needs to think about something, and because it makes Balthazar and Gabriel happy. They talk about him going to London, or to France. He smiles and thinks about the petals, small little pink drops on his carpet this morning. He thinks about the bees.

He tells them he wants a garden, and maybe a house.

Castiel avoids the opening and the party his client decides to throw to show off his pieces before taking them away. He stays at his place, listening to sweet songs and reading. He burries himself under the cover and lets his mind wander. He remembers Dean’s eyes, smiling and telling him he’s lucky. He remembers Dean’s fingers, how they could erase knots from his back, and make him purr. He remembers Dean, and he doesn’t know what hurts more, his words, or missing him. He wonders if maybe he’s overreacting, if maybe it’s normal. He wouldn’t know, and it makes him feel heavy and lost.

He hears a key at his door, and only Dean has a key. But he can’t move. Here under the covers it’s warm and safe. He closes his eyes and wishes the pain away.

Dean’s footsteps stop close, but not too close so he isn’t scared. He wonders what his place looks like to Dean’s eyes. The books, and the flowers. He forgot the laundry and had to ask Balthazar to buy him clothes. But he can’t wear them without a wash anyway, clothes in store are covered with chemicals, so there’s a line of bags against the wall, and another bag full of his friend’s clothes. He can wear them.

He didn’t buy food, and he didn’t use the kitchen unless for tea and bread, and he doesn’t really remember how it looks like with the curtains open.

Everything must look like more proof he isn’t ready to be normal.

"The first time I saw you…" Dean’s voice is rough, and he stops breathing. "The first time I saw you, you were reading with Sammy at home, and I hid behind the kitchen door for almost an hour, because you were so beautiful I wasn’t sure I was allowed to look at you." He can hear Dean’s breath, shaking, and a few bumps. After a second he realizes Dean must’ve put his jacket on the chair. "I tried to talk to you, after that, but Sammy would always tell me to leave you alone. He would spend hours telling me how wonderful you were, how amazing, and then when I asked if you would come over for burgers, or for a beer, he would tell me off." More shuffling, and he can feel Dean’s sitting on the bed, next to him. "And I get it. I was an asshole, back then, after a drink or two. So yeah, most of the time. I was probably going to embarass both of you with my ignorance and my dirty hands, but I just… I wanted to know you, so bad. You always looked at Sammy with big bright eyes, and I wanted that, too." Dean needs a tissue, and Castiel wants to help, but he can’t move, because this story he doesn’t know, and it changes things, again. "And I know you said I didn’t want to love you, but that ain’t true, Cas. Because I loved you right when you told me about your bees. I feel in love with you when you said hello to me in our dirty kitchen. I fell for you long before the bar."

A tug at the covers. Timid. “Let me in ?”

Dean settles under the covers, facing him. His eyes are red, and he cries, but he smiles too. Castiel feels naked under that smile, because Dean looks at him like he’s everything, like he’s the answer to a prayer, like he’s good.

"I’m sorry it hurts. I’m sorry I was an asshole, and I came to you because I couldn’t let any of those pricks have you. But I’m not sorry, Cas. I’m not sorry I tried. I’m sorry I took time, and I’m…" Castiel kisses the tears from his cheek, and Dean laughs, and small little laugh Castiel wants to feel under his lips, but he wants the rest of the story. "I’m sorry it took me so long to love you right. I’m sorry I’m not normal, I’m sorry I’m broken, Cas."

Under the covers, everything is easier. It’s easier to get into Dean’s arms. It’s easier to coo at him when he says things like that, because it’s not true, it’ll never be true. Because they’re both a little broken, they’re both a little lost, but like the petals on his floor, they found a way to be together.

"I need to ask you something, Cas." Here, listening to Dean’s heart, he nods. He would do a lot for Dean. "You need to stop leaving, man." Dean’s eyes are closed, as if he’s in pain, and Castiel doesn’t understand at first. "I know I fuck up. I fuck up big time, but please. Please stop leaving me. Never leave me again, please. I can’t.. I just can’t…"

Castiel can’t promise that, he can’t promise he won’t fly away when it hurts. He just says “I promise I’ll always come back.” Between Dean’s heartbeat and his breath on his neck, he falls asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:**

> You can read it here if you like : http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/110005721304/petals
> 
> If you're feeling kind enough, I'm always happy to find likes, reblogs, kudos and comments. I do accept prompts, and messages make me really happy !


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